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reFramed

Science-backed conversation cards that help you Think, Speak, Act, and Relate with confidence.

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ReFramed Research Guide

Science-backed tools for hard conversations

ReFramed helps people pause, name what is happening, reframe, and choose a safer next sentence. This guide maps each card family to one research pillar and one safety boundary.

Try starter session View science page

Reframe

pause, look again, choose a next thought

Pillar

cognitive reappraisal / reframing

Safety rule

Pass if the situation feels unsafe or too activated.

Communication

say the next sentence with less heat and more clarity

Pillar

empathic communication

Safety rule

Pause before using any card as a comeback.

Empathy

notice what another person might be experiencing

Pillar

perspective-taking

Safety rule

Do not excuse harm; use empathy with boundaries.

Accountability

own one part and make one repair move

Pillar

conflict repair

Safety rule

Accountability does not mean accepting blame that is not yours.

Reality Check

separate facts, interpretations, and needs

Pillar

psychological safety

Safety rule

Document patterns and seek support when safety is unclear.

Deception / CIA Literacy

check reality, ask for clarity, and slow down pressure

Pillar

accountability without blame

Safety rule

Avoid diagnosing people. Track behavior, not labels.

Evidence Matrix

Every card should cite one pillar. Evidence tags keep copy honest and make facilitator use easier.

FamilyResearch PillarCard RuleEvidence Tag
ReframeCognitive reappraisal / reframingone thought shift plus one next sentence
REAPPRAISAL
CommunicationEmpathic communicationone clear ask, reflection, or boundary
COMMUNICATION
EmpathyPerspective-takingone perspective question, never mind-reading
PERSPECTIVE
AccountabilityConflict repairone owned action plus one repair offer
REPAIR
Reality CheckPsychological safetyfacts, feelings, needs, support options
SAFETY
Deception / CIA LiteracyAccountability without blamedocument, clarify, slow pressure, seek support
REALITY

Claim-safe source map

Cognitive reappraisal

Reframe cards ask for one alternate interpretation and one safer next sentence.

Buhle et al. meta-analysis of cognitive reappraisal neuroimaging studies; Gross, Halperin, and Porat on emotion regulation in conflict.

Say supports emotion regulation practice. Do not promise conflict resolution.

Perspective-taking

Empathy cards ask users to check another possible perspective without mind-reading.

Perspective-taking mediation and negotiation research, including controlled dialogue and role reversal studies.

Say can support empathy and feeling heard. Do not say it guarantees agreement.

I-language and perspective-giving

Communication cards convert accusation into a clear feeling, need, or request.

Conflict communication research on I-language and communicating perspective.

Say lowers hostility risk in structured conflict. Do not imply clinical treatment.

Psychological safety

Reality Check and Workplace Kit cards separate facts, interpretation, risk, and support.

Edmondson psychological safety research and evidence reviews.

Say supports safer team conversation norms. Do not claim to create safety alone.

Gaslighting and reality checking

Deception / CIA Literacy cards teach document, clarify, slow pressure, and seek support.

Cleveland Clinic, WomensLaw, and National Domestic Violence Hotline safety resources.

Track behavior, not labels. Avoid diagnosing abusers, narcissism, or intent.

Safety Language

ReFramed is a conversation toolkit, not therapy, diagnosis, legal advice, or crisis support.

  • Use behavior language: "what happened," "what was said," "what changed."
  • Avoid diagnosing people or motives.
  • For repeated confusion or pressure, document patterns and seek support.
  • Pass any card when someone feels unsafe, flooded, or coerced.

Starter Session

Argument starting

Three cards to stop a fight before it becomes one

  1. Reframe: Name the first story your brain is telling, then ask: what else could be true?
  2. Communication: Say one sentence: I want to understand before I answer.
  3. Accountability: Own one small part: I came in hot. I can restart slower.
Mixed signals

Three cards when reality feels blurry

  1. Reality Check: Write facts, interpretations, and missing information as three separate lines.
  2. Deception / CIA Literacy: Ask for clarity once: what do you mean, and what should I expect next?
  3. Communication: Set one boundary: I can continue when the facts stay consistent.
After an oops

Three cards to repair without blame spirals

  1. Accountability: Name one impact, one ownership point, and one repair offer.
  2. Empathy: Ask: what part landed hardest for you?
  3. Reframe: Shift from who is bad to what needs repair next.